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Romeo and Juliet

(Family relationships, marriage and love) 

Marriage then was not a matter of personal choice. First of all, the potential partner had to be approved of by the family. Capulet thinks it is his duty to find a proper husband, that is, noble and wealthy, for his only child : 

 

God's bread! it makes me mad:
Day, night, hour, tide, time, work, play,
Alone, in company, still my care hath been
To have her match'd: and having now provided
A gentleman of noble parentage,
Of fair demesnes, youthful, and nobly train'd,
Stuff'd, as they say, with honourable parts,
Proportion'd as one's thought would wish a man.
(Act 3,scene 5)

 

Parents expected their children to be obedient; contradictions were unheard of: 

 

I would the fool were married to her grave! –
(Act 3, scene 5)

 

says Lady Capulet when Juliet dares to contradict her mother. 

In the beginning Juliet, as expected, obeys the rules of the society: 

 

I'll look to like, if looking liking move:
But no more deep will I endart mine eye
Than your consent gives strength to make it fly,
(Act 1, scene 3)

 

says Juliet when her mother tells her about Paris’s proposal. She has no reason to object, nothing to fight for yet. 

Interestingly, a woman was not considered to be equal to man; she was merely a decoration, a “cover”, a property: 

 

Lady Capulet:
This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him, only lacks a cover.
(Act 1, scene 3)
Paris:
Thy face is mine, and thou has t slander'd it.
(Act 4, scene 1)

 

One of the most powerful reasons to marry was money. The older generation considered wealth to be a sufficient reason (perhaps the only sufficient reason) to marry. 

 

Lady Capulet:
So shall you share all that he doth possess,
By having him, making yourself no less.
(Act 1, scene 3)
Nurse:
No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men.
Marry, bachelor,
Her mother is the lady of the house,
And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous
I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal;
I tell you, he that can lay hold of her
Shall have the chinks. (Ibid.)

 

As for the age, Juliet, who is not 14 yet, is thought to be of the right age to marry: 

 

Lady Capulet:
…younger than you,
Here in Verona, ladies of esteem,
Are made already mothers: by my count,
I was your mother much upon these years
That you are now a maid.
(Act 1, scene 3)
Paris:
Younger than she are happy mothers made.

 

It is easy to see that Lady Capulet shared Juliet’s fate, as she was also 13 when she got married to a man who was much older than she: 

 

Capulet:
How long is't now since last yourself and I Were in a mask?
Second Capulet:
By'r lady, thirty years.
(Act I, scene 4)

 

From these words we can draw a conclusion that Capulet is about 50 or even 60 years old, and Lady Capulet is about 27. Probably her husband was also chosen by her parents. Is it because of this that she does not think it unusual to make a decision on behalf of her own daughter? 

The only appropriate form of relationship between a man and a woman was marriage: 

 

Nurse:
Let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.
(Act 2, scene 4)

 

Talking to Romeo, the Nurse emphasises he should marry her. Juliet, in her own turn, basically proposes to Romeo, which was unheard of in Shakespeare's day. Love and marriage are inseparable for Juliet.  

 

Juliet:
If that thy bent of love be honorable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow.
(Act 2, scene 2)

 

Juliet thinks it is vital to treat her husband with respect and obey him: 

 

Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?
Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,
When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it? (Act 3, scene 2)

 

Financial reasons for marriage were among the most important ones. However, we should not dismiss other reasons. Friar Lawrence, for example, helps Romeo and Juliet, not out of pure compassion for their young star-crossed love. He hopes that this marriage will bring to an end the old feud between the Montagues and Capulets, the feud which the whole town is sick and tired of. 

 

Friar Lawrence:
In one respect I'll thy assistant be;
For this alliance may so happy prove,
To turn your households' rancour to pure love.
(Act 2, scene 3)

 

The Nurse, who is not noble, yet is very sharp, helps Juliet through, being skeptical of the latter’s choice: 

 

Well, you have made a simple choice; you know nothow to choose a man: Romeo! no, not he; though his face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body, though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy,but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb.
(Act 2, scene 5)

 

When Romeo is banished from Verona and Juliet turns to her in despair seeking advice, the Nurse says:  

 

…I think you are happy in this second match,
For it excels your first: or if it did not,
Your first is dead; or 'twere as good he were,
As living here and you no use of him.
(Act 3,scene 5)

 

From these words we may conclude that to her eye, love is not something marriage should necessarily be based on. Romeo is banished, which means he is useless now; therefore the only reasonable thing to do will be to marry another man and take advantage of this marriage. 

The first character who mentions love coming prior to marriage is Capulet, Juliet’s father. When talking to Paris in the beginning of the play about his proposal, he says: 

 

But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart.
My will to consent is but a part.
(Act 1, scene 2)

 

By these lines he implies that Juliet’s love is worth more than his fatherly consent. However, upon the death of Tybalt Capulet suddenly becomes highly interested in marriage. Now when his own reasons have come to the foreground, love is no more a factor to be taken into consideration. Capulet expects Juliet to be obedient and insults her when she dares to contradict him: 

 

An you be mine, I'll give you to my friend;
And you be not, hang, beg, starve, die in the streets,
For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee,
Nor what is mine shall never do thee good:
Trust to't, bethink you; I'll not be forsworn.
(Act 3, scene 5)

 

As for Paris, he is a most controversial character in the play. He loves Juliet in his own way, at the end of the play we find him near Juliet’s tomb. Now, when she is dead, it is not “practical” to suffer, but his grief is sincere. He begs Romeo to bring his body into her tomb:  

 

If thou be merciful,
Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet.
(Act 5, scene 3)

 

His feeling to her plays the key role in his decision to marry her and, what is more, he believes she loves him too: 

 

Do not deny to him that you love me <…> I am sure that you love me,
(Act 4, scene 1)

 

says he to Juliet when she comes to Friar Lawrence to take the poison. But Paris’s belief is based only on her father’s words:  

 

I will make a desperate tender of my child’s love
(Act 3, scene 4)

 

He does not think it necessary to talk to her directly. Despite his genuine love he cannot transcend the narrow-minded medieval way of thinking. Woman is a decoration, a thing: she does not matter. 

Mercutio is more or less of the same age as Romeo, but his attitude differs from Romeo’s drastically. While Romeo ponders about beauty and the place it takes in our lives, Mercutio sees it as a terrible encumbrance:  

 

If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.
If thou art dun, we'll draw thee from the mire
Of this sir-reverence love, wherein thou stick'st
Up to the ears. Come, we burn daylight, ho!
This drivelling love is like a great natural,
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.
(Act 1, scene 4)

 

 

Romeo and Juliet are the only characters whose views keep developing and changing throughout the play. They are ready to fight for their love. They are ready to drop their names, which is far more important than we may think, because in those times it was your family that gave you money and position. By ignoring their families they reduce the economic reasons to something insignificant: 

 

Juliet:
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
Romeo:
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.
(Act 2, scene 2)

 

What is more, they are ready to face death on their way to marriage. Their love is the most important thing in the world, and by thinking so they defy traditional reasons for marriage.  

 

Juliet:
If he be married
My grave is like to be my wedding bed.
(Act 1, scene 5)
Romeo:
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;
It is enough I may but call her mine
(Act 2, scene 6)

 

The real tragedy of the play is the fact that the society is not as forward as to admit their right to make a decision. Romeo and Juliet’s death turns out to be conciliatory for their parents, but it was not the peace that was at stake. There may not be any skirmishes in the street anymore, but women will still be traded like cattle for the advancement of men, and youths will not have a say in the marital affairs. The whole system remains steadfast. 

 

Kira Tulupova and Natalie Cherviakova,
3rd-year students.